I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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