How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
