he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
