I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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