This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
