he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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