let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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