All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just high enough for therapy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
