I wanna passion pit in your ass
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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