I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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