My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
