how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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