my vag is so smooth its legendary
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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