so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
