omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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