Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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