Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
