Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
