Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
