There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
