take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
