what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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