So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pants are for mortals
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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