You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
