i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
