If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
