the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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