you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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