I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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