Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
