we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
