; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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