After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
