This gyro tastes like lonliness
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
