I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
