There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think i have two assholes
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
