Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
