He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
