just come out here and I will go home with you...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
