operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
