HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
