i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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