Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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