We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
