Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
