tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
