..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
