You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
