I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
