youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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