I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
