You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
