I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
