i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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