i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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