My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize