he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
