I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
