I bet he comes in French.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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