If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
