WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
