omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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