don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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